I’m a therapist who’s out breaking the stereotype that therapists have it all together! I love writing and explaining concepts in ways you can grasp, hoping to inspire the desire to pursue the art of growing emotionally and spiritually, and hoping you find yourself in these posts, as I’m always on the journey of finding me.
I like the idea of depending on God from a distance, but not up close.
I like knowing He’s there in the background, but also having my own up close circle of control where ultimately, I can depend on me.
I won’t hesitate to pray and ask God to direct my path and provide for this and that.
But on my worst days, I’m elbowing Him over and thinking, “Ok, what do I need to do to get this situation under my control”—basically, so I don’t have to trust God up close and personal.
I like the idea of depending on Him for a long term goal, waaaaay out into the future.
Depending on Him for my daily bread feels way too personal.
Sometimes the only way we come to surrender to the up close and personal partaking in His daily bread provision, is when we find ourselves in situations where we can no longer help ourselves.
There’s some kind of limitation that prevents us from doing the things we’d normally do to give ourselves a sense of control, keeping God out in the distance.
And in my sometimes distorted way of thinking, I can feel like God is backing me into a corner so that I’ll surrender.
When I’m of sound mind, I realize it’s more of a nudge while He’s holding me steady.
But even as He nudges and holds us steady, this can be a struggle of wrestling and really holding onto as much control as we can muster for ourselves, to feel some sense of continued empowerment over our life.
Each day we surrender a centimeter more over to Him, still holding more on our end and saying, “Is this enough for you yet, Lord?”
It’s like when my parents used to have me eat one more bite of veggies on my plate, and I’d ask, “Is that good yet, Mom?” and she’d say, “One more bite.”
It’s something good for us we don’t always recognize as good.
See, we can get really codependent with God.
Trying to fix and control and intervene in His ways and our timing.
And fixing and controlling is TIRING.
Codependents are always really tired.
And you see, for me this up close and personal trust is an agonizing, head thrown down into my pillow at night trust that makes me TIRED.
Because although He’s nudging me to depend on Him in a more personal way, I’m still treating God like He’s distant and I need to do life all by myself.
I’m not trusting Him like the up close and personal God that He is.
And guess what?
Control and rest don’t mix, my dears.
It’s all about trust and rest.
The more we let go of the control, the more we can rest and trust.
But we aren’t always convinced trust will bring rest because we’re still holding onto those last centimeters of control.
What’s rest and trust gonna do?
It’s going to make you strong. It’s going to make you courageous. It’s going to make you steadfast for others.
You’ll be an anchor for others to trust.
And lead others to trust and rest.
And we all might come to see, the up close and personal trust is good for us.
Heather Mather is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in private practice in Newport Beach, CA, seeing clients in-person and telehealth all over California. Contact info: 303-250-1538, 1151 Dove St, Suite 100, Newport Beach, CA, 92660.