I’m a therapist who’s out breaking the stereotype that therapists have it all together! I love writing and explaining concepts in ways you can grasp, hoping to inspire the desire to pursue the art of growing emotionally and spiritually, and hoping you find yourself in these posts, as I’m always on the journey of finding me.
On the couch last Monday, he held out his hand to me,
“I cry a lot now. I did a lot of crying today. So much. If feels like there’s an end of an era happening in life.”
“It feels like there’s so many endings. I hope there’s new beginnings too.”
The armor of his life has been coming down for years now. An armor that held things together in order to work hard and long hours and endure, without all the sadness of the past catching up.
But work opportunities have slowed down, matching the slowing down energy of aging.
He’s facing a professional life with unexpected endings
And emotions are laid bare.
There’s the recent passing of his Grandpa at 102 years old. This was expected, but expected doesn’t ease the sorrow of the ending.
A close friend just moved to Tahoe because of his own losses, an upcoming divorce.
His other best friend in his doctoral program died tragically last year.
My friend from 15 years ago passed away last month.
“Oh honey, I found out Whiskey Petes motel in Vegas closed down.”
A memorable place to stay is gone.
A place we stayed with his Grandpa a few times on road-trips to CO.
A small, silly loss in comparison.
But small and silly doesn’t seem to matter.
“Honey, I think you’d make such a good chaplain. You’ve lived the grief of so many. I do wonder…”
He’s done a lot of crying lately and we sit in the tender emotions of the fragility and frailty of this life. “Was taking down our armor really the right decision, honey? All of this feeling of our feelings?”Feeling all of the grief and loss that seems to be happening all the time these days.“But we also have a lot of joy, honey,” I said in the car on the way to the beach.And the joy is found in the simplicity of our day.
Worries and sadness ease up in the sound of the waves, soothing and wrapping tender emotions. We sit unarmored and I feel beach day memories of the past washing over me. I go and stand, feet sunken in the sand, just looking out at the vastness.
The joy of the memories standing with me.
Armor wouldn’t allow the cool breeze and faint sunshine through the clouds to rejuvenate us this beach day. Armor would keep the fragility at a distance, and joy wouldn’t be shining through and refreshing us, the ocean breeze making the salty tears even saltier.
The simplest of joyful moments hit the deepest when our fragility is allowed to just be.
We’ll see what else this fragility brings.
Heather Mather is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in private practice in Newport Beach, CA, seeing clients in-person and telehealth all over California. Contact info: 303-250-1538, 1151 Dove St, Suite 100, Newport Beach, CA, 92660.
❤️
A few weeks yet for me- at the shore.